Helping someone you love through hardship is hard. We do not want to see them hurt. We wish there was something we could do to ease their pain. But what can we do that is helpful and healthy and also maintains personal boundaries for ourselves? That is what we are going to talk about today. How do I help through hardship? First, we need to talk about the recognizing a healthy relationship verses an unhealthy one.
How Do I Recognize Unhealthy Relationships?
Our ability to sympathize with someone is a good thing. To be able to listen to their hurts and pains and give them a safe place to talk about their feelings is part of a healthy relationship. But how can we tell if the relationship has taken an unhealthy turn? This is an important part of the discussion of any relationship. We will talk more about this below, how each of us are responsible for ourselves and caring for our own emotions. What does it look like for someone to have unhealthy relationship traits? Below are some of the signs that can be recognized when a relationship may be in a red flag situation. Have you experienced any of these in a relationship with someone?
- They are unable to form or maintain close relationships, they isolate
- If they struggle to experience anything positive
- Have trouble considering being alone
- Become defensive or angry if you try to talk to them about it
- Over dependance upon others
These are just a few warning signs that can appear in unhealthy relationships. If you find yourself feeling your balance of self is off, it most likely is. Finding balance between helping through hardship without feeling like you are responsible for their emotions, can be tough. If you struggle to know where that boundary is, URC is here to help. We help people every day discover and take steps toward their goals in life and relationships.
What are Hardships?
Hardship is defined as a condition that is difficult to endure; suffering; deprivation; oppression: a life of hardship. Synonyms: misfortune, suffering, affliction, trouble. It is an event in life that causes grief or suffering. Gaining healthy coping skills to handle not only hardships but also the emotions that come from them, is necessary to have healthy relationships. It is possible that some may not recognize the hardship they have experienced, especially if they do not have stable coping skills. Below are some examples of hardships that we may find ourselves walking through.
- Death
- Divorce
- Incarceration
- Chronic medical condition
- Injury
- Military Deployment
- Financial Debts
- Disability
- Loss of physical abilities
Any event that disrupts our lives and requires us to regroup and replan can be considered a hardship. When someone experiences multiple hardships without seeking help through them, they can become increasingly unable to cope with them in a healthy way. Sometimes professional help is needed, URC offers counseling for Life Transitions. Often times, those who don’t seek help through their hardships will become increasingly dependent upon others. Knowing how to respond to them in a way that truly helps them is best. That is what we will talk about below. Could you use some tips on how to help through hardships?
How to Help Someone Through Hardship?
We all need people in our lives who we can talk to. Those who listen without judgement. Someone who will allow us to speak about our feelings and what we are experiencing. It is important that each of us take the necessary steps to be able to maintain healthy coping skills. We are each in charge of maintaining our balance in life. If we need help with something, it is our responsibility to find the help needed. We cannot fix or change someone else. Healthy relationships are made of two people who are responsible for themselves and willing to support the other through hard times. What does it look like to support someone through hardship? Below are some examples that could help understand what that support looks like in action.
- Listen without judgement
- Follow up questions such as “What did that feel like?”
- Express sympathy and understanding such as “It sounds like you are worried about that.”
- Ask “How can I support you?”
- Offer reassurance like “Help is available, I can help you find it” or “You are not alone”
It is important to remember that helping someone through hardship should not feel like you are responsible for them. Each of us have to take steps toward the help we need. We can each rely on others to listen to our feelings through those steps, but we cannot take the steps for them.
If you struggle to recognize what a healthy relationship looks like, you are not alone. Many different factors from our upbringing affect the way develop and maintain relationships. At URC, we have a passion to listen to where you are today and help you establish steps to accomplish your goals tomorrow. Reach out today if you could use some help with your relationships.
